sniffing around for book agents. i’m curious to see if i even get a nibble.

I just want to buy stuff to make myself happy, but I have no money.

But I swear when I get to my goal weight, I’m going to buy myself a new amazing outfit.

Eight more pounds.

i’m down 2 belt holes, and now my go-to interview slacks look ridiculous in the back… they’re all bunched up because there’s too much material… not complaining, just an observation

I’ve lost about 15 pounds already! I almost weigh what I did as a college volleyball player. This is insane, especially as someone who has hypothyroidism. It’s getting closer to the day when I have to decide how much further I want to go.

The smell of you hangs in the air. Sitting at my desk, I try to fight this heavy feeling that’s looming over me, but my nose pulls me to the scent that’s wafting through my room, but no, it’s not as romantic as it sounds. Bacon, but not just the smell of crisp bacon on a lazy Sunday morning; the smell of burning bacon that’s hovering around me, threatening to invade ever fiber in this room. Now I could sit here and tell you I’m sad, but this isn’t just about me because while I try to fight the weight on my chest, you’re going about your evening without even a second thought, and although I will wage war against this invisible elephant who’s resting on my chest, you’re looking at what’s next. I’m not next. I’m not even what comes after that, and even though it’s the only thing I can wrap my mind around, it won’t even graze your dreams tonight. You’re the light of my day, and without you, despite what’s around me, it’s just so dark. I’ll never look kindly upon these nights, and I’ll never wish for them. I’ll just long for the day when your time is mine, and my time is yours. Then maybe I’ll be happy… maybe for a little while. I know I’m supposed to be excited, but this will never seem right until we find a life together.

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side note: i am nostalgic of the days when no one i knew read my blog.